Purpose: To tell about an experience from camp, using short sentences to create suspense.
WALT: Entertain (recount)
Task: To write a recount based on something scary or suspenseful that happened to you.
The Annoying Mysterious Cave!!!
We had to write a story about camp and
I chose caving. The red mean's I have added something on.
We had to write a story about camp and
I chose caving. The red mean's I have added something on.
Draft 1
We were in the car and I was really scared. We finally got there, I was shivering like a ice-block. I had to find things like 100 year old tree lake. Our group past the tree and a lake. We were at the cave, we had our touch’s and we went in. I was still shivering. Then I wasn’t scared because we had our bight touch, they were as bight as a glow-worm. Then awwwwwwwwwo I bang my head. Then we got to the end and we went back. Then only the kid’s went if they wanted to. Then the kid’s came back out, if you wanted to you could go in the dark with no touch’s, but on the way back the went in the light. It was so fun. Then we went back in the car.
Draft 2
We were in the car and I was really scared nervous. We finally got there, I was shivering like a ice-block. I had to find things like 100 year old tree lake. Our group past the tree and a lake. We were at the cave, we had our touch’s and we went in. I was still shivering. Then I wasn’t scared because we had our bight touch, they were as bight as a glow-worm. Then awwwwwwwwwo I bang my head. Then we got to the end and we went back. Then only the kid’s went if they wanted to. Then the kid’s came back out of the cave, if you wanted to you could go in the dark with no touch’s, but on the way back the went in the light. It was so fun. Then we went back in the car Then we got back in the car and it was really really fun!!!!!!!!!
Draft 3
We were in the car and I was really scared nervous. We finally got there, I was shivering like a ice-block. I had to find things like 100 year old tree and a lake. Our group past the tree and a lake. We were at the cave, we had our touch’s and we went in. I was still shivering. Then I wasn’t scared because we had our bight touch, they were as bight as a glow-worm. Then awwwwwwwwwo I bang my head. Then we got to the end and we went back. Then only the kid’s went if they wanted to. Then the kid’s came back out of the cave, if you wanted to you could go in the dark with no touch’s, but on the way back the went in the light. It was so fun. Then we went back in the car. Then we got back in the car and it was really really fun!!!!!!!!!
We were in the car and I was really scared nervous. We finally got there, I was shivering like a ice-block. I had to find things like 100 year old tree and a lake. Our group past the tree and a lake. We were at the cave, we had our touch’s and we went in. I was still shivering. Then I wasn’t scared because we had our bight touch, they were as bight as a glow-worm. Then awwwwwwwwwo I bang my head. Then we got to the end and we went back. Then only the kid’s went if they wanted to. Then the kid’s came back out of the cave, if you wanted to you could go in the dark with no touch’s, but on the way back the went in the light. It was so fun. Then we went back in the car. Then we got back in the car and it was really really fun!!!!!!!!!
Draft 4
We were in the car and I was really scared nervous. We finally got there, I was shivering like a ice-block. I had to find things like 100 year old tree and a lake. Our group past the tree and a lake. We were at the cave, we had our touch’s and we went in. I was still shivering. Then I wasn’t scared because we had our bight touch, they were as bight as a glow-worm. Then awwwwwwwwwo I bang my head. Then we got to the end and we went back. Then only the kid’s went if they wanted to. Then the kid’s came back out of the cave, if you wanted to you could go in the dark with no touch’s, but on the way back the went in the light. We finally got of the scary cave. It was so fun. Then we went back in the car. Then we got back in the car and it was really really fun!!!!!!!!!
Draft 5
We were in the car and I was really scared nervous. We finally got there, I was shivering like a ice-block. I had to find things like 100 year old tree and a lake. Our group past the tree and a lake. We were at the cave, we had our touch’s and we went in. I was still shivering. Then I wasn’t scared because we had our bight touch, they were as bight as a glow-worm. Then awwwwwwwwwo I bang my head. Then we got to the end and we went back. Then only the kid’s went if they wanted to. Then the kid’s came back out of the cave, if you wanted to you could go in the dark with no touch’s, but on the way back the went in the light. We finally got of the scary cave. We finally got out of the slimy, cold, scary, misty, bear monster!!! But I hop-scotch out of the scary, bleary, misty, cold, slimy, lion monster. It was so fun. Then we went back in the car. Then we got back in the car and it was really really fun!!!!!!!!!
Draft 5
We were in the car and I was really scared nervous. We finally got there, I was shivering like a ice-block. I had to find things like 100 year old tree and a lake. Our group past the tree and a lake. We were at the cave, we had our touch’s and we went in. I was still shivering. Then I wasn’t scared because we had our bight touch, they were as bight as a glow-worm. Then awwwwwwwwwo I bang my head. Then we got to the end and we went back. Then only the kid’s went if they wanted to. Then the kid’s came back out of the cave, if you wanted to you could go in the dark with no touch’s, but on the way back the went in the light. We finally got of the scary cave. We finally got out of the slimy, cold, scary, misty, bear monster!!! But I hop-scotch out of the scary, bleary, misty, cold, slimy, lion monster. It was so fun. Then we went back in the car. Then we got back in the car and it was really really fun!!!!!!!!!
HI Sophie, you have done a great job of sharing all of your drafts with us. It is good for us to be able to see the changes that you have made. I can see that you are having a go at some new language features - great! I like your simile "I was shivering like an iceblock." You must have been really cold! I wonder if you would like to go caving again or if once was enough!
ReplyDeleteI would go caving again and I was so cold.
ReplyDelete